Suicide – the point of view from those who have done it.

Last year I was filmed doing a small group session. It was an open session meaning that anyone who wanted to show up did. No one had any sort of advanced notice who was coming to the event. They simply pulled into the parking lot, paid the fee and walked in. No one even asked them their name. 

I arrived an half hour before the event began with the two people who were going to be doing the filming, Rachel and Miguel. “Someone’s going to be here tonight hoping to reconnect with someone who committed suicide,” I told Rachel. 

“How do you know?” she asked. 

“Because the person who did it is already here. I can feel the energy and it’s as heavy as it gets.” 

When the session began I said, “I know one of you is here because someone you love took their own life.” There was only one man there that night, and I was pulled towards him. I looked at him, and let him know by doing so I knew it was him.

He raised his hand as tears started to roll down his cheeks. “That’s me,” he said softly. 

“I know,” I told him, “and you need to know that she’s here. She’s saying she loves you, and it’s not your fault. But so you know it’s really her, and it is a her, yes?”

“Yes.”

I then began to give him the evidence she was giving me as to their identity. Before we were done, everyone in the room was in tears, including me.

Life, as we all know, is difficult. We are here to learn our lessons in the midst of difficulty.  When I was working as a Spiritual Director I used to give talks about being “wounded” and the necessity of the wounding. Most people develop a sort of armor around their souls when this happens. When we develop that shell, our task is to then take it back off.

Unfortunately, there are souls that are never to put on this shell on to begin with. For them the pain they feel festers and becomes something like a terminal disease, one which is hard to understand and detect because they keep their pain well hidden. In the end, many of them see themselves as having no other choice but to take their own lives, but even this sort of thinking is part of the disease.

Fortunately, I’ve heard over and over again from those who have committed suicide that God (Light, Source, etc.) does not judge those who take their own lives. I’ve been told that God is very compassionate and understanding when this happens. 

Why? Because he knows who we are at the core of our being. He’s aware of the pain that brought this about. God does not make mistakes, but understands, and forgives, when we do. 

Still, not one of them has ever told me it was the thing to do. They have all said that it would have been better to stay here and learn the lessons they were supposed to learn here. I’m not saying that they’re tormented with regret over their decision. I’ve not heard from one who was. I am saying that it’s not something they recommend that their loved ones do. 

I once did a reading for a woman and asked her if she knew who “Laura” was. She told me she was a friend of hers. I asked her to ask Laura to make an appointment with me because someone wanted to talk to her. 

Laura came in (by this time I forgot the request) a few weeks later and her uncle came through. He mentioned that his sister (Laura’s aunt) had tried to commit suicide several times after his death. He asked Laura to ask his wife to come to see me. 

A couple of weeks later a woman came to see me. Her brother came through. He mentioned to her that his wife had tried to commit suicide several times since he died. That woman I found out after the reading was Laura’s mother. 

Three months later a young lady came in with her son, and her mother. “Your father is telling me someone tried to shoot themselves in the head. Do you know who this is?” 

“Yes, it’s my mother.” 

“I did that,” her mother confirmed. 

“You attempted suicide several times he’s telling me. Is this true?”

“Yes.” 

“He wants you to know that it’s not the way to be with him again. He wants you to stay here until it’s your time. His ‘job’ now is to help you through your journey through your grief.” 

“But it hurts so much not to be with him.”

“I know. Grief is the price we pay for love. The end of grief in this world is life and happiness with your husband in the next. Please hold on until that day. Your husband wants you to know that when you’re finished with your journey here, you’ll see him again in a world of joy. And I promise you, you will see him again. When you do, he tells me that it’ll be as though one second hasn’t passed since the last time you saw him. Please hold on until that incredible day.”

If you’ve lost a loved one to suicide, they want you to know that you will be with them again one day. Until then they want you to know that they are always with you, while you continue on your journey, now. 

I feel your peace.

Anthony 

http:www.anthonyquinata.com

Let’s play “Stump the Medium!”

There’s a fun little game that people pay to play with me. It’s called, “Stump the Medium!” The way this game is played is that a sitter pretty much denies everything I tell them unless it’s exactly what they want to hear! It happened yesterday, and again today, so I thought I’d write about it. 

For example, today a man came to see me. He told me that he wasn’t really grieving the loss of anyone, he was just curious. I kept telling him that someone was coming across with the message that they had an impact to their neck, at it either happened at the time of their passing, or it contributed to their passing. For a good 40 minutes he kept saying it didn’t make sense. 

Well, after the session was over, he told me that his brother had a massive heart attack, and when he died, he fell back into a bucket with his neck. He also told me when I mentioned that his brother did woodworking for a hobby and had made him something, he asked what it was. I told him I could see (psychically)  that it was dark wood (yes), and an animal (yes). But since I couldn’t tell him it was a squirrel, well I was stumped! 

I kept saying his brother was a namesake, and he kept saying “no.” Finally he told me his brother’s middle name and his grandfather’s name were the same. Was his brother called by his middle name? Yes. Well, then the namesake bit of evidence was correct. 

I kept mentioning that they (his father and brother) were bringing up migraines headaches. He told me that neither of them had migraines. I also told him they were talking about mending fences and building bridges, and that forgiveness was being called for. Later he told me his sister had migraines and that she had alienated herself from the family. Much of this came after a very long session. 

There’s more, a lot more, but I won’t go into it. I did learn one thing though. People who play stump the medium seem to think my ego is on the line. I know that this is the case because they’ll go back and tell me about my “hits” and “misses.” Honestly, I don’t care. My ego isn’t on the line here. I’m only the messenger. 

To me, it doesn’t take anything away from me. What it takes away from is their experience. Do you remember I mentioned that he told me he wasn’t grieving anyone in particular? He was. He was grieving his brother, big time. He just didn’t want me to know. Once he acknowledged that the person coming through was his brother, the reading went along smoothly. 

I’m sure people will continue to play this game with me in the future. The only ones they’re hurting is themselves. I’m going to start playing my own game when someone plays “Stump the Medium.” I”m going to call it “Time’s Up!”

Thank you for letting me vent. 

I feel your peace.

Anthony

http://www.anthonyquinata.com

The dead have it.

Today was a good day overall all. Even one of the readings I did for a woman didn’t dampen my spirits today.

Every once in a while I do a reading for someone and no matter what comes through, it isn’t enough. I remember doing a reading for a woman who lived somewhere in the UK. It came out during the reading that she went against her husband’s wishes that he be buried near his wife in a cemetery some distance away.

Well, when he died, she buried him in a plot where she wanted to be buried, somewhere far away from her husband’s ex- wife. Even though she verified a lot of what was presented as far as the evidence it was her husband, and when I say a lot, I mean somewhere around 80%, when the reading was over, she said to me,
“I wonder why he didn’t mention his funeral. It was quite a procession. He was a decorated police officer.”

“I don’t know why he didn’t mention it,” I told her. “Apparently it wasn’t that important to him.”

“Oh, if it was really him, he would have mentioned it,” she reassured me.

I wanted to say, “Well, I guess it wasn’t as important to him as being buried next to his first wife was,” but I didn’t. What I did say was, “I can only give to you, what is given to me.”

I’ve learned, after countless readings, that I can’t please everyone. Some people just aren’t going to be satisfied unless they get a first name, last name, social security number, and the pet name they were known by.

Honestly, souls come through better than others during readings. I wish I knew why some spirits come through like gangbusters, and others don’t. I know it would make my work easier. This is the case with all the mediums I know.

I’ve also learned after all of the readings I’ve done is that if they’re telling me something, and the person sitting across from me doesn’t acknowledge it, I’m going with the person coming through.

Well, I’m putting that reading behind me. After all, it’s Rosh Hashanah, and I’m celebrating! No, I’m not Jewish, but I am from Guam, and we’re always looking for a good reason to celebrate some thing!

I feel your peace.

Anthony

http://www.anthonyquinata.com

Branching out

I keep going back and forth as to whether or not I should do clairvoyant readings. It seems to me I’m being pushed that way, or I may just be going along willingly. 

I’ve been asked by Deb Guinther, owner of Cornerstone Books, in Englewood, CO to replace Nancy Graves on Wednesdays. I was honored because Nancy is my favorite reader, and Deb doesn’t invite people she doesn’t trust to do readings at her store.

I accepted, so I’ll be doing clairvoyant readings (medium readings as well) every Wednesday that’s an “even” day of the month from noon – 3:30pm. I can be there earlier by appointment. I’m also doing readings out of my home in Castle Rock, CO.

http://www.anthonyquinata.com

Remember Your Loved Ones, and Elephants

Tomorrow, at sunset, Jewish people around the world will start observing Rosh Hashanah. I will be too. 

No, I’m not Jewish, but Rosh Hashanah is a time to look ahead with hope. It’s a time for self-examination and spiritual renewal, an opportunity to put aside the shallow and fleeting distractions of daily life and seriously question whether I have become the person I could or hoped to be. So, for the next few hours, I’m going to be engineering my year, asking myself questions, and remembering elephants. 

I’ve only been to the circus once, and that was when I was about 13 years old. Like a lot of kids I thought about running away and joining it. At least I did that night. Then there was an invitation for anyone who wanted to help break down the circus to do so. It was great! All I had to do was show up, help out, and then I’d be asked if I wanted to go off to the next town with once they saw what a hard worker I was! What was really cool was that I’d be able to meet the beautiful woman who did the trapeze act, and she’d fall in love with me, and … and then reality hit. I discovered circus life  was a lot of hard work!

I forgot all about running away. I just wanted to go home. After I was done (meaning too tired to want to work that hard again) I walked over to where my parents, and my brothers and sisters were waiting for me in our car. Somehow they knew I’d be coming back home. 

One of the things I did see that amazed me (besides the beautiful young lady on the trapeze) was the elephants. I saw them tied to these little posts, and held there by little ropes. I heard someone say that night that elephants have been known to die in fires because they didn’t think they could get away since that rope was around their ankle. For years I had the impression that elephants aren’t very smart since they didn’t know all they had to do was give those ropes a yank, and they’d be free.

Years later, I later found out the truth. I found out how the handlers train the elephants from day one to stay put. From the time an elephant is young, a chain is tied around it’s ankle which is attached to a metal stake driven into the ground. No matter how much they pull, they can’t get loose. Over time, those beautiful beasts become convinced they can’t pull out the stake, and because they’re convinced they can’t, they can’t! It’s known as “conditioned consciousness.”

I’ve done the same thing.  I’ve convinced myself I can’t do something, so I don’t.  Not only that, the actions I take don’t even put me in a position to what I can to live my life to the fullest. 

So, I’m going to start thinking about the answers to questions like –

If all the things I wished for came true, what would it feel like?

I’m one of the country’s most sought after psychic mediums … what would that feel like?

Thousands of people’s lives are being changed, and healed, by reconnecting with their deceased loved ones during readings with me … what would that feel like? 

I’m connected with God, myself, and others in the deepest sense … what would that feel like? 

I don’t know how I’m going to do any of this. I’m just going to leave that to God, the Source of all that exist, to take care of the details. I’m not going to focus on the process. I’m going to focus on what I want – and I’ll continue to do my sharing.

Whatever is it I want, is already here.  These next few weeks, as I work on my 99% (consciousness), I’m convinced I’ll notice that my 1% (physical circumstances) will follow suit.

 

I’m talking about this because I know that your loved ones who have passed away want you to live your life to the full. What is it you are convinced of that keeps you from doing this?  

 

Figure that one out and you’re on your way to an incredible year.

 

Please don’t forget to pray for our Jewish brothers and sisters as prepare for their new year. And don’t forget to pray for your loved ones and their journey of renewal and hope, both here, and on the Other Side.

I feel your peace.

Anthony

 

http://www.anthonyquinata.com

The Purpose of Life (from a 6-year old)

 
A Dog’s Purpose

 

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolf hound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and  their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they  were hoping for a miracle. 

I  examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the  family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform  the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.  

As  we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would  be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt  as though Shane might learn something from the experience.  

The  next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s  family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog  for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going  on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.  

The  little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any  difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after  Belker’s Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal  lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ‘I know why.’ 

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation. 

He said, ‘People are born so that they can learn how to live a good Life — like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?’  The six-year-old continued, ‘Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.’ 

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:  

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.  

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
        
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy. 

Take naps.  

Stretch before rising.  

Run, romp, and play daily.  

Thrive  on attention and let people touch you.  

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.  

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.  

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.  

When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.  

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.  

Be loyal.  

Never pretend to be something you’re not. 

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.  

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently. 

ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

http://www.anthonyquinata.com

“About Suicide”

I’ve done far too many readings for people who have lost loved ones who died by their own hand. I’ve been thinking about writing something for them. Then I found the following reflection written by one of the most compassionate and educated voices about suicide in the Catholic community, priest, and best selling author, Ronald Rolheiser. I wanted to share it with you instead. 

 

About Suicide

Every year I write a column on suicide because, among all forms of death, it’s still the one we struggle with the most. How can suicide happen? What makes a person take his or her own life? 

 

Suicide, no doubt, is the most misunderstood of all deaths and leaves behind a residue of questions, guilt, anger, second-guessing, and anxiety which, at least initially, is almost impossible to digest. Even though we know better, we’re still haunted by the feeling that suicide is the ultimate act of despair, a deed that somehow puts one outside the family of humanity, the mercy of God, and (in the past) the church’s burial grounds. 

 

When someone close to us commits suicide we feel both pain and shame. That’s why suicides are often not reported publicly. An obituary is more likely to say that this person “died suddenly”, without specifying the cause of death. This reticence to admit how our loved one died speaks deeply about both the pain and shame that we are left with after the suicide of a loved one. To lose a loved one to death is painful, to lose a loved one to suicide is also disorienting. 

 

What needs to be said about suicide? A number of things need to be re-iterated over and over again:

 

First, that suicide, at least in most cases, is a sickness, a disease, a terminal illness that takes a person out of life, as does any terminal illness, against his or her will. In essence, suicide is death through emotional cancer, emotional heart attack, emotional stroke.

 

 That’s why it’s apt to say that someone is “a victim of suicide”. Suicide is a desperate, if misguided, attempt to end unendurable pain at any cost, akin to throwing oneself through a window and falling to one’s death because one’s clothing is on fire. Suicide is an illness, not a sin. 

 

Next, those left behind when a loved one commits suicide should not unduly second-guess themselves, anxiously examining over and over again what they might have done differently, why they weren’t more present, or how they somehow failed the one who committed suicide. Part of the anatomy of the disease is precisely the pathology of distancing oneself from one’s loved ones so that they cannot be present to the illness.

 

 When a loved one commits suicide we can’t help but ask ourselves: “If only I had been there! Why was I absent just on that morning?” But we weren’t there precisely because the person committing suicide did not what us to be there and picked the moment, the venue, and the means precisely with that in mind. 

 

Besides, we’re human beings, not God. People die from accidents and illnesses every day and all the love and attentiveness in the world sometimes cannot not prevent someone we love from dying. Suicide is a sickness and, like cancer, sometimes cannot be cured by any amount of love and care. Knowing this isn’t an excuse to rationalize our failures, but it can give us some consolation in knowing that it wasn’t our neglect or inattentiveness on a given day that led someone we love to suicide. 

 

Finally, we should not have undue worry and anxiety over the eternal fate of our loved ones who commit suicide. Why not? 

 

First, in most cases, as we know, suicide victims have cancerous problems precisely because they are over-sensitive, wounded, too- bruised to be touched, and too raw to have the normal resiliency needed to deal with life. Their problem is not one of pride and strength, but rather of shame and weakness. What drives them to do this act is not the arrogance of a Hitler, but the weakness of an illness. 

 

That’s why we can make a distinction between “falling victim to suicide” and “killing oneself”. The former is done out of illness, the latter is done out of pride. On the surface they might look the same, but there’s an infinite moral distance between being too bruised to continue to touch life and being too arrogant to continue to take one’s place within it. 

 

And God, more than anyone else, understands this. God’s understanding and compassion are much deeper than ours and God’s hands are infinitely gentler than our own. If we, in our imperfect love and limited understanding, have some grasp of this, shouldn’t we be trusting that God, who is perfect love and understanding, is up to the task and that our loved ones are safe in God’s hands and God’s understanding? 

 

Any faith that connects itself to a God worth believing in doesn’t have undue anxiety as to what will happen when God, finally, face to face, meets a bruised, gentle, over-sensitive, wounded, ill, struggling soul. Indeed, we have many scriptural references as to what happens, namely, God, who can descend into any hell we can create, goes straight through our locked doors, enters into the hell of our paranoia, illness, and fear, and gently breathes out peace.

 

I will write a post talking about suicide from the perspective of those who have come through to their loved ones using me as the “telephone,” and what they have to say about taking their own life. 

I feel your peace.

Anthony 

http://www.anthonyquinata.com

Dealing with skeptics

 Josie Varga, is a published author and is currently writing another book about after death communications. That’s how we met. She called me wanting to feature me, amongst others, in her book. We quickly became phone friends, and I have often been a sounding board for her ideas for her book.

The other day Josie called me wanting to vent. She told me that she received an e-mail that morning that moved her to tears. It was from a parent who will also be featured in the book. She told Josie that telling her story really helped her, and she’s sure that Josie’s book will help a lot of people who have been touched by death.

The same day Josie had lunch with a friend she had known for years. Josie and her friend were discussing the book and her friend’s reaction shocked and upset Josie. It was totally the opposite from the woman who wrote the e-mail. “Why would you believe these people?” Josie’s friend wanted to know. Josie told her about the readings I gave her and how I helped her with the ghost in her home.

“Oh my god! Now you’re becoming friends with these people?” her friend wanted to know, looking at Josie as though she had lost her mind. Josie was really hurt by her reaction.

“Josie, here’s the deal,” I told her. “You have to develop a thick skin. Look, you didn’t choose to write this book, anymore than I chose to be a medium. You were chosen by God to write this book, just as I was chosen by God to be a medium. You can’t let this one person discourage you from writing your book. The world is waiting for you, it’s waiting for your book. God is waiting for you.”

When people ask me what I think of skeptics, I honestly answer, “I don’t.” People come to see me all the time who are skeptical. In fact, I encourage “open-minded” skepticism. There are a lot of people out there who are claiming to be psychics and mediums who are deluding themselves, and others. A fair amount of skepticism is necessary to protect yourself from people in this field who might otherwise take advantage of you.

Besides, it’s been my experience that most skeptics are armchair philosopher’s who don’t want to learn that they may actually be wrong. What they are interested in is  defending ideas they have without bothering to put them to the test. I don’t try to prove anything to them, because I don’t have to.

By the time we hung up, Josie was laughing and determined to finish writing her book despite the opinion of naysayers, which I assured her would come out in droves once her book is published. When that happens, I’m sure I’ll be getting a lot more phone calls from her.

What dreams do you have that you’ve allowed someone else’s opinion, someone else’s skepticism to stop you from fulfillng that dream? If you have a dream that keeps nagging you, that won’t let you go, it might be because it’s because God, and the world, is waiting for you to quit listening to the skeptics and  start listening to your heart.

http://www.anthonyquinata.com

Love was all he had ever known.

I wanted to share this article with you –

When a parent dies or a partner — when we lose someone who has lived in the world — there are customs, worn paths to follow, ways to talk about it. But I didn’t see any path with this. Was I supposed to keep quiet and pretend nothing had happened? I couldn’t accept that.

So I typed out an e-mail message, brief and plain, explaining: Lisa had been pregnant, the child had died and we took some comfort from the belief that all he had ever known was love.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/21/fashion/21love.html?ei=5124&en=563eab88929a620c&ex=1379563200&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink&pagewanted=all

I feel your peace.

Anthony

http://www.anthonyquinata.com

“All is forgiven. I love you.”

I was talking with a woman who came to see me for a private session, then came to a group session a few weeks later. “It didn’t hit me until the second time Shane said it during the group session, that he had forgiven me for not being able to save him from drowning. I didn’t know I needed that closure, but I did. I guess he knew though,” she told me through her tears. She had finally let go of the guilt she had been carrying around for over 35 years.

I didn’t think about it until we talked, but one of the reasons people come to see me is to find out that their loved ones are okay on the other side. Okay, I have thought about that but what I hadn’t thought about was how many people come to see me in order to find out if their loved ones are okay with them now that they’re on the Other Side.

“Your mother wants you to know she understands you couldn’t be there when she passed.”

“You’re wife wants me to tell you that you shouldn’t worry about the fight you two had the morning before she died that day  in the car accident. She wants you to know that she understands the things you said were said out of anger and hurt. You didn’t mean it. She knows that. She wants you to let it go.”

“Your son says it wasn’t your fault. He died because it was his time to go. There’s nothing you could have done to stop it.”

These are just a few of the many messages from those who have passed away to those they left behind during the countless number of readings I’ve done. A session with a medium can be a chance for closure.

 It’s been said that death makes everything clear. From what I’ve been priviledged to hear during sessions, those who die do see everything clearly, and they want you to know that they understand; they love you, and they want you to move on, without the guilt you may be carrying due to painful memories. They want you to know that you are loved, and “all is forgiven.”

I feel your peace.

http://www.anthonyquinata.com